Kölle Alaaf!

It is a statistical certainty¹ that when a person falls asleep on public transportation, the moment they awaken, they assume RIGHT NOW is the time to get off the train/bus/tram. In reality, this is rarely the case. Keep this little bit of knowledge. It'll be useful in a few paragraphs.

Last weekend I went to Cologne for Karneval! If you're unfamiliar, Cologne is in western Germany and is the place people go to celebrate Karneval. Karneval itself is essentially the same thing as Mardi Gras. I say “essentially” because I'm not religious, and I wanna hedge my bets in case there really is a difference. A few of us PPP'lers who are stranded in the GDR², decided to meet up in Berlin, rent a car, and drive to Karneval. We stayed with another American girl's host family near Düsseldorf, which is close enough to the revelry.

This of course means that we got to drive on the autobahn, which has been on my bucket list since the first time I was in Germany. The car we rented was a stick-shift, but luckily my mom insisted that I at least learn how to drive stick. I won't lie, I was rusty as hell when I started off, but I drove a stretch that was almost all autobahn, so it was only rough until I got on the on ramp. The German autobahn gods must have been watching me, because right as I got on the autobahn, we hit a section that actually does have a speed limit. After about 30 minutes of that garbage, we finally made it to an unrestricted section. I can't properly describe the feeling of piloting a vehicle at 130 miles per hour. Pure speed. (Mom, if you're reading this, 130 was a typo, I mean 75. Yeah, slow, safe, reasonable 75 mph). Another cool thing about Germany is that there is no open container law, which means that we enjoyed our autobahn trip with some nice East German beers in the car. Of course the driver can't drink, but someone has to take one for the team.

Andrea and Jen packing our car

I do find it odd, that a country that has laws for everything doesn't have a speed limit and allows alcohol consumption (starting at 16) while driving. It took me some thinking, but when I consider that two of Germany's most popular (and politically powerful) industries are beer brewing and automobile manufacture, it makes sense that they would have the political clout to keep away restrictive laws.

I am what you call a "young ambassador"

But eventually, we get to Cologne. A few of us had decided to make a group costume, something which in my opinion never ends up happening in the end. Big plans are made “The Seven Dwarves, but Sexy” or “All the Presidential Candidates” and then in the end everyone shows up as something boring like a cheerleader.. Somehow though this time it actually worked, and damned well too! We all dressed up as characters from Super Mario. I almost ended up going as Princess Peach since Ive got the best legs of the group, but I dressed up as Luigi instead. Of course there was partying and revelry, so I'll skip the stories about that, and jump to my public transit story from the beginning of the post.

On Saturday night, I got separated from my group. In truth, I probably just walked away as I'm prone to do when there is a lull in activity. It's a great way to meet new people in my opinion. Regardless, I get separated from my group. I text to see where they are, and they are heading back to the tiny town we are sleeping in. (Incidentally the path from the train station to our house is a concrete jungle, I'd only walked it one time at 7am on Saturday morning. So it is advantageous to meet up with my friends and navigate it together.) Ok, cool, they're heading back, I will too. I get on the train and promptly fall asleep. When I wake up, that statistical certainty I mentioned earlier comes into play and I get off the train. I get off the train in the middle of nowhere. So I go to the ticket machine and check when the next train comes. The next train comes at 5 after the hour, so I wait. Five after comes....and goes. So I go back to the machine, and I realize that the next train comes at five after 5am, which is 3 hours from now. It's freezing, and I'm still dressed as Luigi. So I curl up in a ball next to the machine and, shivering, I fall into a very light (but not light enough sleep). I am awoken by the sound of the 5:05 train as it leaves the station. “Well fuck,” I said aloud to no one in particular. I'm just gonna call a cab, I can't be that far from home, I think. My phone however is dead, so I go around the neighborhood knocking on doors of houses and businesses alike to find a phone. I eventually find a casino, and the owner asks where I am heading. He then informs me that the ride will probably cost 70€, but the next train comes in an hour. “Well fuck,” I say quietly and mostly to myself. He then offers to let me sleep in the casino for the next hour. This man is a saint. I eventually catch the train back home, and don't make any mistakes this time.

Wario and I.

One of the things I pride myself on is my good memory. It's how I made it through college, it's how I've learned German as quickly as I have, its how I remember funny jokes and turns of phrase. Thanks to this wonderful memory, I was able to successfully navigate my way back to the house from the train station without getting lost. I arrived at 7:30am, again still dressed as Luigi, and have to wake the host parents up to be let in. A total trip time of just over 5 hours.

I crash cold and weary into bed next to Andrea (nothing happened!) and awoke the next morning to play with the children and have a barbeque. All in all a successful weekend of revelry, boozing, costuming, speeding, and “living of the land”.

Oh and before I forget, today's word is a Narrenruf (Fool's Cry) from Cologne, and means Cologne Alive!

1. Not Really.

2. There is no GDR anymore, despite what many old people say.