der Legostein

I was a weird kid when I was younger. I nourished myself almost solely with coca-cola and cake frosting, I refused to wear jeans as I was convinced they were made of metal, at the age of 6 I made napalm, and for a good two years of my childhood, my mother had resigned herself to the idea of having an autistic son. She (tentatively) was later proven wrong. Despite my...erm...idiosyncrasies? one part of my childhood was very normal. I loved to play with Legos. I still have a giant box of them in my room and my various Lego spaceships completely with Lego crew are still docked at my Lego space station.

About three weeks ago, I went to visit my very good friend David in Ulm. The goal was that I would meet his family, throw paper airplanes from the highest church tower in the world, and generally make Ulm a little insecure. We did all that of course, but then David dropped a little surprise in my lap. It turns out that Legoland Deutschland is only a hop, skip, and a jump from Ulm. My tail began to wag at the first mention of Legoland, and I got this dopey grin that I couldn't get ride of when I found out that he and I were going to visit it.

The church tower in Ulm. One of my paper airplanes reached the Danube...another one reached the police station.

See, I've always wanted to visit Legoland. The original one is in Denmark, but it's just slightly to the East of the Middle of Nowhere, Denmark, so a trip there was infeasible, and I had all but given up on the dream. I knew there was a Legoland in Germany, but I had forgotten about that one since I'd been living in northern Germany.

Legoland was awesome. I probably would have gotten a very little bit more out of it had I been an actual child, but that would only have been because I could have ridden more rides. I was beside myself with enjoyment as it was though. There are a couple of roller coasters, but since the median age of Legloand patrons is somewhere between 7 and 11, the coasters aren't too scary. The first thing we did was get on a roller coaster, which also doubled as a haunted house type thing. We all got high-fives from the roller coaster operater as we passed by. My guess is that I wasn't the first conspicuously old person to ride the coaster. Afterwards we hit up another ride themed around “Ninjago, Masters of Spinjitzu.” I have no idea what spinjitzu is, but somehow it lends itself to a bucking carousel ride that resembles a tie fighter. The seats also had wings that you could steer. This gave you just enough rope to hang yourself, so to speak. If you tilted the wings just right, you could make your experience significantly more terrifying than your neighbors'. There was another ride that was some sort of robot arm that tossed you around like a rag doll, I cut in front of easy four 2^nd graders to get the best spot.

The park also has a movie theater, which was kinda lame. Go figure. The show factory was pretty cool to see, though. Ohh wait I just remembered something about that damned factory! Ok, so the tours are in groups and are all started with a short film about Legos. We waited in line, during this wait a child and I played around by jumping back and fourth with one another. Then the doors opened, and our comeradery dissolved as I basically palmed him and two other kids into the pavement to be the first one inside. The door man was handing out souvenir Lego bricks and I stood there expectantly awaiting my Lego brick. The man looked at me and said in a dismissive tone that only the children get the bricks. I thought about arguing but the last thing I wanted was to get thrown out of Legoland over a goddamned Lego brick, so I sighed, conspicuously loud, and went inside. Bullshit. Today's blog title means “Lego brick” by the way.

By far the coolest thing about the park was the miniature world. The imagineers have recreated a handful of cities around the globe in Lego form and the amount of detail is awesome.

This is the Lego version of the Castle Neuschwanstein. To get an idea of the size,  my friend David is standing in the background taking a picture and he is about 6'2". The plants are all real. I managed to corner a gardener in the park and she told me that there are only 20 gardeners who take care of the entire park.

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This is a Lego version of Römerplatz in Frankfurt. It's not totally accurate, but Lego is an imperfect medium. Oh, and my (other) friend David, who is a Frankfurt tourguide, told me a story about a man in the Frankfurt city hall who would spy on important meetings, and on the real city hall in Frankfurt they have a small statue of him, which the Lego designers recreated!!!!

Berlin in Lego form. This is specifically the Berliner Dom and the TV Tower, which I captured in my own travels to Berlin.

The is the German Parliament. I haven't seen this technically, yet, but I will be seeing it next week. The short (Lego) woman in the snazzy jacket can be no one other than Angela Merkel (a fellow Ossi, I might add)

This little gem was found in the recreation of Schwabenland, I had to photograph it since both my aunt and David's mom are named Sonja.

I liked this mostly because I utterly hate pigeons. The woman's book says "Pigeon recipes"

Oh lord. Ok, so hooking is legal in Germany, and the city of Hamburg (recreated here) is famous for  the Reeperbahn, an area dedicated to quite literally hookers and blow. So the Lego imagineers recreated Hamburg, complete with hookers.

No, this isn't New Orleans. This is Venice. The ships in the model really do float and travel along the canals. David (the first one) noticed that the 'Italian' music playing in the background was utter gibberish.

I am no fan of Munich, but even I have to admit that this recreation of Allianz Arena is pretty baller. The whole thing is about 7 feet across, and glows at night. They had to design a special kind of brick that was translucent in oder to get the proper effect.

Straßenkunst

Ok Leute, I alluded to making this post earlier, and now I’m finally gonna do it. I’m finally gonna release my cache of street art photos that I’ve been hoarding like an Appalachian farmer hoards his beautiful harem of inbred daughters.

I had a year of art history in high school. I remember it being one of my more challenging classes, since in reality it had very little to do with art. The teacher herself consistently made fun of the course’s content, which was mostly human geography of Europe and naked paintings of virgins, by calling the class “AP Maps and Boobies.” Regardless, I worked like a dog for that class, and as a result it made me sort of hate high art. I mean, I could never achieve something as technically skillful as painting the Mona Lisa, but that doesn’t mean I think it looks good. I’ve always been drawn to sort of lowbrow entertainment: Roller derbies, lewd stand-up comedy, the musical stylings of GirlTalk, and pulp science fiction. So, when I came to Europe and saw the amount of graffiti and sticker campaigns here, I was captivated and starting photographing it.

Graffiti along with these sticker campaigns are to me a mixture of political speech, egoism, vulgarity, art, and advertising. Graffiti can be simple or complex, boring or thought provoking, direct or metaphorical, etc. Anyways, enough of me rambling. I promised pictures and I’m going to deliver.

Berlin. Above "Take what you need!" The options are "Love, Hope,  Faith, Trust, Endurance, Courage, Understanding, Peace, Passion, Beauty, Freedom"

Frankfurt. This is the main character from a fairy tale, Struwwelpeter. Basically the kid misbehaves and is punished (hilariously) by the universe.

Hamburg. This one is part of a political message. I like that it doesn't explain itself well.  I mean the creator of this could have spend pages explaining precisely what she means, but instead I get to consider and find my own meaning.

Karlsruhe. Very often the graffiti is cynical and critical, but  I guess the point of art is to change society not reinforce it.

Krakow. Like I've said, Europeans love their bikes, and there are a ton that are just abandoned all over the place. This one got a knitted cover added to it.

Krakow. Given that Poland is so Catholic, I thought this was an interesting bit of art. My best guess is that the penis was added later...

Krakow. In addition to being cynical, the graffiti is more often than not political. My guess is the Cameron and "shock and awe" weren't randomly added.

Mainz. "Animals free you must" I'm not entirely sure what the Anti-Fa organisations even stand for. Apparently everything.

Neubrandenburg. "Skinheads against Nazis" To answer your question/confusion, there is/can be a difference. But really keeping track of the different subcultures from the 70's is a full time job. Skinheads, Mods, Punks, Antifascists, blah blah blah. It's a very interesting topic, but it's sort of like reading up on conspiracy theories: Interesting but really pointless.

Neubrandenburg...duh. Like I said, a lot of the stickers are simple advertisements. Certainly some group made them and they have a deeper meaning or motivation, but in end effect they are little more than advertisements.

Neubrandenburg. Again with the Antifascists. I really don't understand them, so if someone wants to explain what they are for/ against, other than the obvious, I'd be very appreciative. 

Neubrandenburg. Word.

Neubrandenburg. Haha. What can I say, I like the lowbrow stuff too. It used to say "exit"

Rostock. "It's our right to block Nazi marches.  Don't give an inch to the fascists. Neither in Dresden nor anywhere else." The translation was rough at best, it's more eloquent in German, trust me. Even though East Germany is supposedly more opposed to foreigners, I think they Germans make a bigger deal out of this problem than it really is. At the same time, I don't know how to separate German directness and racism. I mean the word "Neger" is still sort of accepted, and rap music is sold as "black music", which, by and large, it is, but still I find that racist and Germans don't bat an eye.

Rostock. "Choose a path" Another open ended one.

Rostock. Nothing very special about this one, this is just the name of the train station.

Rostock. "War is god's way of teaching Americans geography." I thought this was utter bullshit! Since most Americans still can't find Iraq on a map! This one was written in the picture above.

Rostock. "Just go fuck yourselves. For respect -- Against hatred and homophobia" This message was, of course, brought to you by the Green Party...duh

Rostock. A surprising amount of the graffiti is in English.

Berlin. "I'm from pussy, you Kreuzberg." Ok this one takes some explaining.  First of all, normally it would read with the words pussy and Kreuzberg switched around. Second, Kreuzberg is a part of Berlin. A really shitty part of Berlin. Like don't walk around in Kreuzberg alone or at all if you are a girl. Also, good luck finding an intact piece of glass there. So, the sticker is a play on how offensive/uneducated Kreuzberg is (because they said pussy), and also a joke about how hard Kreuzberg is.

Tübingen? This is from a while ago. Tübingen also had a graffit war between two teams to see who could tag the most with the most slogans. The teams were "Falafal" and "Currywurst". I think Falafal won, but they slogans would pop up out of nowhere.

Tübingen? Not much explaining to do here.

Bratislava. I laughed at this one for literally 5 minutes. In hindsight, it wasn't that funny, but I still like it.

Die Rückkehr des Amis

I'm not really (or at all) a Star Wars fan, but this seemed to fit. Today's title is a play on words from the Star Wars film Return of the Jedi, which, in German, was titled Die Rückkehr der Jedi-Ritter. Ami is a slang word for American. I chose this title because in this post I'm gonna chronicle my return to Berlin!

This time around in Berlin, I was able to see more off-the-beaten-path sights. I'm guessing it was because I spent my time in Berlin with an actual German, which turned out to be helpful. Who knew?

We saw all the normal stuff. Siegesäule, Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie, Brandenburg Gate, Fernsehturm. Checkpoint Charlie was the most disappointing sight of the entire trip. It's literally a ticket booth in the middle of the street. There's a McDonald's next door. I was expecting the gateway between East and West to have a little more...show, more ummph, more anything. I mean for god's sake that TV antenna on Alexanderplatz at least has laserlights. Play some disco music, get some strippers, pass out T-shirts, something. If you go to Berlin, skip Checkpoint Charlie.

We spent some time checking out the main drags of Berlin. Unter den Linden and Friedrichstraße were interesting but very very pricy. There was a Volkswagen store and I got a sneak peak of the new VW Beetle though, hot off the line!

The diplomatic quarter was also fun to see. We killed a good hour here because I wanted to find the Mexican Embassy. See, the picture on the internet of the Embassy showed it with an enormous fence around it, and honestly, I sort of wanted to get arrested as an American trying to break into Mexico. (Un)luckily, we never found it. There were tons of other political jokes running through my head. I really hoped the United Arab Emirates' Embassy would have a fountain of crude oil. No dice. Also, I have to say, India's embassy puts the other to utter shame.

We spent Sunday at the Pergamon Museum, and it was exceptional. The Pergamon has a bunch of stuff from Mesopotamia. It's got the Ishtar Gate, a Codex of Hammurabi, and the entire city of Pergamon from Turkey. It was really fulfilling to see these things because I'd learned so much about them. We spent essentially the first semester of Humanities Class in high school on Mesopotamia. I also forced us to go to the Botanical Garden and I geeked out there a whole bunch.

Oranienstraße was something that my German friend wanted to see because he heard it was popular, but he freely admitted that he didn't know why. This was unexpectedly my favorite place we saw....other than the Pergamon. Oranienstraße started off boring and then slowly we started to see Turkish shops, and then Vietnamese shops, and then art shops. There was also a fair amount of homeless people and graffiti and drunk people in between. My accomplice for the trip got sort of edgy during this phase. I joked about renting an apartment there. He didn't laugh. I don't have any pictures of Oranienstraße because I was pretty sure that if I took out my camera, I would be mugged. This area reminded me why I like Berlin. The street is really gritty (filthy) and diverse (poor) and so alive with people (drunk). I really liked it though and I would love to go back...in the daylight.

So that's it for Berlin, Part II. I'm certain I'll end up back there at some point, but I won't bore you with a third story.

die Atzen

Today's word is particularly fitting, if I do say so myself. „Atze" is a slang word from the Berlinerisch dialect. It means anything from brother or bro to fella or pal. The plural is Atzen. This weekend I got to go see my Atzen in Berlin!

Actually I went specifically to see a Cirque du Soleil show that is touring through Europe, and my friends also happened to be in Berlin for the weekend. Erm, I mean, uhh, I went for the sole purpose of seeing them, nothing self serving whatsoever. Gracia, Sergio, and Jennifer live in Berlin. Clayton and Joe, the Madgebrothers, live in Madgeburg, Adam is in Kassel, and Andrea is in Dresden, and we all met up in Berlin.

I am actually in the middle of a Berlin streak. I'm going to Berlin again next weekend and I'll have seen some more sights by the next time I post. I think I'll divide it up so that this post is about Berlin the city and the next post will be about Berlin the tourist location. Sound good?

If you just consider the cities proper, without the metro areas, Berlin is the largest city I've ever set foot in. I ended up liking it a lot more than I expected to. My only previous exposure to Berlin was the Peter Fox song Schwarz zu Blau (below, and just ignore the ape motif, it's too complicated to explain). Granted, Peter Fox is a rapper, so it sort of pays to exaggerate the poverty and criminality of your hometown. You don't hear many rappers reppin' the Hamptons, do you?

But in contrast to the line from the song which goes:

(German) Guten Morgen Berlin,
Du kannst so hässlich sein, so dreckig und grau,
du kannst so schön schrecklich sein,
Deine Nächte fressen mich auf

(English) Good Morning Berlin,
You can be so ugly, so dirty and gloomy,
You can be so beautifully appalling,
Your nights devour me.

I find my opinion of Berlin more in keeping with the quote from the Berlin Mayor „Berlin is poor, but sexy." Yes, he actually said that, and it's become a sort of slogan for Berlin. To be sure, parts of Berlin are dirty as hell, and I wouldn't call it the most beautiful city I've ever visited. Still, something about Berlin fascinates me. A large part of my fascination is the size of Berlin. All you have to do is hop on the S-Bahn, ride for 10 minutes, and you can completely change your impression of Berlin.

Another part of my fascination is the history in Berlin. I don't mean the history you find in museums, though there is plenty of that. I mean, when you walk into an apartment building in Berlin, you quickly realize that this building was there during the Civil War and that there was a family living here when WWII broke out. And since the houses have changed so little architecturally, it's very easy to picture the children running down the stairs 100 years ago to get to school in the morning. Everywhere in Berlin I was struck with this feeling of raw history.

I took a picture, and now that I'm writing this, I realize that it makes a point very well for me. I took the picture last weekend. On the left you can see The Berlin Cathedral, which was build in 1451. On the right-hand side, you can see the Fernsehturm (TV Tower) which was built in the DDR in the 60s, and in the middle, there is the Humboldt Box, which opened this year and is...wait for it....another museum! These three represent very well the ridiculously long history of Berlin, the almost depressing recent history of Berlin, and the bright current times in Berlin.

At this point I am more than a little in love with Berlin and I cannot wait to get back there on Friday.

To close, I'll leave you with another part of the song from above:

(German) Diese Stadt ist eben doch gar nicht so hart wie du denkst.
(English) This city is simply not as tough as you think.