die Mobilität

Right now I'm knee deep in a project that I expect to consume my weekend, and I'm taking a break to consider my options, plan tomorrow's schedule, and to write this post.

Today's word means “mobility” and the project I'm knee deep in is me trying to repair/steal/obtain a bicycle. My history with bicycles and Germany is a long (and reprehensible) one. My first German bike I bought from a double amputee at a flea market, I learned later that it was likely stolen and was subsequently fenced to me. Strike one. The next bike I got was an ill-conceived solution to a temporary problem. It was my last night in Tübingen, and I was stranded in the student village at 3am. I had to check out of my room at 6am. So I poked around until I found a bike that wasn't chained up and rode it home. This bike was clearly abandoned; it had vines growing on it. But still, strike two. My third bike was found in a wooded area in Radolfzell. Ok, not a wooded area, it was a hedgerow, by an apartment complex. I refused to buy a lock for this bike because that would be a “capital investment.” I just banked on people thinking the bike was too crappy to steal, which ended up working until 2 days before I left Radolfzell. Strike two and a half. My current bike is probably the only one that is neither stolen nor...stolen. I bought it off my Tandem partner. And the first time I rode it, I fell and scraped the crap out of my knee. Like all the bikes it needs some work, namely new tires and inner tubes (The tires proudly advertise that they were made in "East Germany"). A new bell would be nice. OH and a basket! No. No basket, let's not get greedy.

Why, you may ask yourselves, does Alex go to such lengths to acquire a bicycle? Doesn't he have a bus pass? Can't he just walk? Let me explain myself. In Germany everyone has a bicycle and these people pay stupid money to have a bicycle. I was talking to a friend on Sunday night and he said his bike was pretty cheap at 400€, or about $500. I've seen bikes here that cost well into the thousands. Mine cost 25€ with a lock. But these people love their bikes, and they have the calves and butts to prove it.

Bike culture is a lot more developed here, mostly I think because owning a car is so expensive. In the States all of my friends have cars, all of them. In Germany driver's licenses are expensive, and driver's ed is also expensive, and gas is expensive, and cars themselves are expensive, and parking said car is nearly impossible...and of course expensive. At home my driver's license cost $25, I got it when I was 15, and when I left the states, gas was about $3.10/gallon, and I bitched about that! In Germany you can't start the driver's license process until you're 17. Driver's Ed, which ends with you getting the license hopefully, costs about $1300. Oh and gas is around 1.59€/liter, which is about $7.90/gallon. So it's understandable why bikes are a big deal here.

So, that explanation aside, I need to get new tires on my bike, but this has presented two problems. 1. I only have pliers, a screwdriver, a butter knife, and a razor blade for tools. 2. I don't wanna drop twice the price of the bike to replace its tires and whatnot. But then a sort of solution presented itself when I was doing laundry. I walked into the basement and saw this:

The thieving Polack* in me gasped

Yes folks, a cellar full of bikes. I did a quick pass to see if any bikes weren't locked up, but of course it couldn't be that easy. I did however find some bikes that had already been picked at by the bicycle vultures. So I started making an inventory of those bikes and what they had to offer me. Several of the bikes have their front wheel locked to their frame, which means the back wheel, seat, and other things are mine! Several other bikes have their frame locked to the wall, which of course means a front tire for me. It has taken some careful planning, but I've managed to piece together a second bike from parts of broken bikes, and I'm learning significant amounts about bicycle (de)construction! Currently this is how my bedroom looks.

I've been sneaking bike parts into my room all night. I make sure to wear a coat to the bike cellar so it looks like I just came in from outside. The green bike is the one I bought, and the red one was chained to itself with a combination lock. I spent some time trying to crack the lock's code, and then gave up and hacked the cable apart with a razor blade and pliers. At this point my only hurdle remaining is not having a wrench or a pump. If I had those things I could fix both bikes (and probably sell the red one to cover my costs). The alternative is to simply go to a bike shop and ask to use their tools if I agree to buy the materials from them. This of course saves me tool costs, but prevents me from using most of my found materials. This part I'm still hashing out in my head. If I find cheap tools though, the bike shop is a non-issue.

At this point I would again like to emphasize that I only scavenged on the bikes that were already all torn to hell. Not the bikes that were just missing something; I went after the bikes that barely fit the description of bikes anymore, and a fair amount of parts are simply littering the floor of the basement. So my conscience is clean, I think.

I didn't even touch this one; it looked too pathetic.

*I know "Polack" is derogatory, but I'm using it self-deprecatingly here.

Heute gestohlen – morgen schon in Polen

Upfront, lemme say that the title is a joke and not an insult, but it's also not false either. The joke is “Stolen today – in Poland tomorrow.” Unlike the US, where all of our Polish jokes talk about how stupid poles are, in Germany all of the Polish jokes talk about how they are car thieves, or thieves in general. I find this concept hilarious, and being a person with a Polish last name, the irony never escapes me that I am a kleptomaniac. I already have a collection of 7 beer glasses stolen from various establishments. I would have 8, but I got caught in Constance at Oktoberfest with one in my backpack.

Last weekend there was a school trip to Krakow and Auschwitz. The trip was the same time as a trip to some agricultural trade show, but I decided that Auschwitz might trump a trade show, plus I got the trip for a killer price. So Thursday morning, I hopped on a bus with 10 other German students and we started driving to Krakow. In case you're curious, Poland looks like Minnesota, and it's just about as hard to understand Polish as Minnesotan.

The trip was awesome. I'd been feeling sort of shitty over the past few weeks, what with the weather, isolation, and whatnot, but the other Germans on the trip were awesome and it made it so much better to have spent the weekend with them. They were easygoing and funny and personable. It was refreshing.

We got into town Thursday night, checked into the Good Bye Lenin Hostel, and promptly set out to explore Krakow. Poland (as you might expect) is wicked cheap, well not like 3^rd world wicked cheap, but I've been used to paying everything in euros and Poland's currency is about ¼ as valuable. We had pizza and two half-liters of beer for about $8.50 a piece.

Friday was Auschwitz. It's really hard to give a review of a concentration/death camp. I mean, I really shouldn't call it “good,” you know? The tour was interesting(?) and of course seeing the piles of shoes and walking though the gas chambers and stepping inside the barracks was moving. Auschwitz was “the camp” of the holocaust; it's the world's largest cemetery since over 1 million people died there, and it was the home to Dr. Mengele, who was the most monstrous person I've ever learned about. Still, as a museum goes, I thought Dachau (near Munich) was better. 

Auschwitz, just through the main gate

Birkenau, view from the main gate

Our tour guide didn't really explain anything except the raw facts, and I could have read the signs myself. Also, on a lighter note, the tour guide reminded me of a character from a German parody of Poland. She spoke in a really flat voice and rolled all of her R's. “Now.....Shoo mus rrrrrrememberrrr 'zat in concentratt-shee-owns camp is no food for eat. All is starrrrving. Horrible time. Many death.” The tour was in German, and like I've mentioned German has some (often funny) compound words like “finger-hat” (thimble). At one point our tour guide actually said, “Now, please you come closerrrr to death-wall.” Even the Germans thought this one was funny.

Day 3 was a tour around Krakow with a German tour guide. Krakow is kinda dirty. Not dirty and edgy like Berlin; it's just dirty. It was cool though, and the Polish people are fascinating to listen to when they speak Polish. After our tour, I decided to try to navigate the tram system and find the Harley-Davidson store in Krakow. I don't have a Harley, but a few of my family members do and I thought a Harley Davidson-Krakow shirt would be a pretty baller gift. After an hour of searching, asking, gesturing like a moron, and aimlessly riding the tram, I found the store...but it was closed. So Bob, Robert, Eddie know that I was thinking of you, and if I'd been 2 hours earlier, you'd have a new shirt on the way.

Now, remember that off color joke I told about Poles being thieves? Well during our tour we stopped in the Jewish quarter to learn about the history of the Jews in Krakow. There are also some scenes from Schindler's List filmed there, maybe. I never saw the movie, and I wasn't 100% on what the tour guide said. Anyways, one of the girls stopped to take a picture and just like that, someone stole her purse off the ground. It wasn't that bad, she lost debits cards, drivers license, and some petty cash, but nothing horrible. Still the first words out of our bus driver's mouth were, “Heute gestohlen, morgen schon in Polen.”